3 Practices to Reconnect With Your Husband Postpartum
This guide is for mothers with babies and children under 5 who are experiencing marital strain and struggling to appreciate or enjoy their husband’s company.
Contributed By: Jenna Cavadas · Postpartum Marriage Coach
The Core Challenge
Many first-time mothers and mothers with multiples experience a great deal of stress and resentment in the early years of children. Without the right skills, couples can experience disconnection which can lead to instability in the marriage.
Key Insight
Women are the heartbeat of the home. The way to the ideal version of your marriage isn’t rooted in more talking, explaining or managing your husband. When you learn how to realign to your true essence, your marriage will start to feel like home again - and the partnership you desire will emerge.:
Practical Strategies
Develop an Appreciation practice. There are many studies that discuss how this one practice completely changes our brain. Each day, jot down 2-3 things you appreciated about yourself and 2-3 things you appreciated about your husband. Even if it’s hard to do, find 2-3 things. Repeat this practice for 30 days. Log how you feel about yourself and your husband (on a scale of 1-10) before starting and reflect on this again after the 30 days.
Fresh eyes. Find something that you wish you could change about your husband. Write a short letter to their boss describing it as one of their strengths and why it’s a strength. Looking at someone with fresh eyes allows us to see their traits differently - and more positively than the automatic beliefs that have taken root from years of being with someone.
Evidence tracking. Name something that you feel they’ve been lacking in. Find 5 pieces of evidence from the last 3 months where they actually did the thing they are lacking in. We usually describe behavior as “all or nothing” but the truth is there’s always at least some evidence of the opposite being true. Ex: he never cleans the dishes. Chances are he cleaned dishes in the last 3 months even if most of the evidence is that “he never cleans the dishes.”
A Small First Step
Start an Appreciation journal. Spend 3 minutes once a day writing these appreciations. Don’t skip more than one day. Stretch goal: share an appreciation from the list about your husband with your husband directly (it can be in a text if it feels weird to do in person).
Jenna is a licensed therapist of 15 years. After trying (and failing) at all the traditional methods to support her struggling marriage, she took matters into her own hands - and transformed her relationship. She now works 1:1 with moms during postpartum and beyond to teach them her frameworks so they can receive more connection, support, and appreciation in their marriage.
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