When Parental Leave Doesn't Go According to Plan: A guide for moms
This guide is for moms going back to work after a difficult maternity leave
Contributed By: MJ Harford Yost · Founder, Resilient Returns, Therapist, Mom of 2
The Core Challenge
When you’re returning to work and your maternity leave didn’t get the story book treatment you’re facing a unique experience. You might have faced a traumatic birth, time spent in the NICU, or are navigating feeding challenges or infant developmental differences. This guide will help you remember whatever you're experiencing, it's real, you deserve support, and there is a path forward.
KEY INSIGHT
Mom’s returning to work after a difficult maternity leave are carrying a different load. For most moms, returning to work becomes just another challenge to push through. But, it’s when we stop minimizing or pushing through our challenges that we gain the ability to change them.
Practical Strategies
Name what you are actually carrying. Emotional strain, privacy exposure from disclosing health information, isolation, and changed childcare needs are just a few of the distinct layers to how a complicated, unexpected maternity leave shows up during the return to work phase. When we’re able to name what’s present, we can begin to address it with both care and efficiency.
Write a work script before you need it. Expect at least two draining conversations during this phase: your initial disclosure and once you actually return. Draft the words in advance to reduce rumination and a sudden anxiety spike. A simple version: "I'm writing to let you know [__]. What are my options for extended leave? Please share any leave options, timelines for activation, and documentation needed." Follow it with: "I'd also like to work with you on how this is communicated to my team. Can we book time to create a plan together?"
Ask for options and assume support. Go into conversations expecting that accommodations exist rather than expecting to have to fight for them, this is not always true in reality but helps position folks at work as advocates instead of adversaries. Ask what is available instead of asking whether anything is. The framing can radically changs what you are offered and who fights for it with you.
Run your life through Automate, Delegate, Eliminate. Automate anything you decide more than once a day, week, or month. Delegate whole outcomes, not individual tasks, so the mental load leaves with the task. Eliminate what is not for now, remembering that "not now" is not "not ever."
Write your "How can we help?" response script. It can seem impossible to imagine how you’ll go back if your child is still utilizing assisted feeding or your physically still deep in recovery. Now more than ever coach your village to support the best they can. "Thank you so much for asking how you can help, we are hanging in there. Right now we could really use [three specific things: a dog walk, a meal, a coffee on the porch]." Naming three concrete actions turns a vague offer into actual help.
A Small First Step
Write down the three values that matter most to you in this phase, judgment free, whether that is rest, recovery, or endurance. Then look at one thing on your calendar this week that does not serve any of them, and eliminate or delegate it.
MJ Yost has spent years supporting women and families as both a licensed therapist, and now founder of the parental leave technology company: Resilient Returns.
If you want to return to work ready and resilient, you can learn more about our therapist-designed parent program at www.resilient-returns.com.
