Turning Expectations into Agreements
This guide is for Mothers preparing for or returning from maternity leave (re)negotiating their work conditions
Contributed By: Isabel Theissen · Motherhood & Leadership Coach
The Core Challenge
Mothers are often assumed to reconnect with where they left off before they went on maternity leave. However, they return to work as a new person, with new strengths but also new needs. Misaligned expectations can lead to uncertainty, frustration, and chaos.
KEY INSIGHT
When preparing for a woman’s maternity leave, open conversations with her manager to turn expectations into a clear, written agreement are essential. Upon her return, this agreement needs to be revisited and adjusted if needed.
Practical Strategies
Expectations reveal themselves in language such as ‘I assumed’, ‘I thought’, or ‘I was under the impression’. They tend to be unspoken and one-sided while agreements are discussed openly and co-created.
Turning expectations into agreements helps you to create more clarity during your leave and upon your return, and is your first chance to re-discuss your boundaries:
Here’s how in 3 simple steps:
1. Get clear on YOUR expectations (what do you need/ how do you want your leave and return to look like). Here are a few topics to consider:
a. When will you go on leave? Can you work remotely/ reduced hours towards that date?
b. How will your leave be communicated to the wider team?
c. How will you stay connected/ communicate with your manager/team during your leave? (If you want that at all)
d. Who will take-over your work while your away? And how will the handover (before and after your leave) be managed?
e. When and how will you return: full time/ half-time/ reduced hours for a period/ …
f. What does your first day back at work look like? A meeting with your manager/ team/ HR?
g. Will there be lactation facilities?
h. How will your return be communicated to the wider team?
i. What will your workload look like upon your return? Will there be any work travel expected of you?
j. Will you be able to work remotely and/ or flexible hours?
k. How will your role/ growth be fostered moving forward?
2. Invite your manager for a conversation. Communicate clearly that this meeting is about aligning on your (and their) expectations for your leave and return so they can prepare themselves for this conversation.
3. Turn your (and your manager’s!) expectations into a clear, written agreement. Exchange your expectations with your manager. Make sure both sides truly understand and accept the terms. A ‘phased return’ can mean something different to you than to your manager. Clearly define what it will look like. Your final agreement should be explicit, mutual, and doable. Don’t forget toagree on reassessing your agreement after you have returned and adjust it if needed.
A Small First Step
Before having a bigger conversation around your needs and expectations, you can put this to the test by assessing one specific expectation you might currently be holding (no matter if at work or at home) and turn it into an agreement with the respective person following the three steps that I shared before.
Examples for expectations:
I assumed it would be okay to leave at 5 pm instead of 6 pm due to day-care pick-up times.
I thought my manager would trust me to finish my work in the evening if needed.
I was under the impression that my partner would pick up the kids today.
I expected my partner to do the groceries since he promised to cook dinner.
Isabel Theissen supports modern mothers in navigating ambitious careers alongside family life. With a background in senior digital marketing roles at global fashion brands, she knows the pressure of performing at a high level while carrying the invisible load of motherhood.
Visit: https://www.isabeltheissen.com/
For more tips on what helps most when returning to work, read the following article, including the ‘Empowered Return’ Report
