Your Story Belongs to You: Navigating Work After Pregnancy or Infant Loss
Mothers who have experienced pregnancy or infant loss in any of its devastating forms and are seeking personal stories, connection with someone who has experienced loss, and guidance for navigating work while living with grief.
Contributed By: Jessica Gutierrez · Founder & Consultant, Calm-Hearted
The Core Challenge
Pregnancy and infant loss can leave mothers navigating grief, physical recovery, and the difficult reality of returning to a world that keeps moving. Whether or not their pregnancy was known at work, they may face decisions about what to share, taking leave, and returning to routines while carrying an experience others may not understand. Without thoughtful support, mothers can find themselves responsible for managing workplace communication and other people's discomfort during an already overwhelming time.
Key Insight
You shouldn't have to explain why your loss matters to deserve care at work. Pregnancy or infant loss can happen just as someone is beginning to imagine or understand their identity as a mother, and that experience remains meaningful regardless of how they identify afterward. Their grief, the realities of physical recovery, and the ways their loss continues to shape everyday life deserve recognition, without having to prove their resilience or prepare everyone around them.
Practical Strategies
1. Remember that your story belongs to you.
A personal update is not automatically a workplace announcement. You have the right to decide what information about your pregnancy, baby, or loss is shared, who receives it, and which words are used. When possible, identify your preferences with a manager or HR contact so they know what to communicate with colleagues or clients, and know that you can change your mind about how much you wish to share.
2. Ask your workplace to take ownership of the logistics.
After a loss, you may already be navigating medical recovery, paperwork, and countless other responsibilities on top of your grief. Your workplace should be able to manage coverage, customer communication, and handoffs without relying on you to keep work moving. Ask for one trusted point of contact who can coordinate these decisions and help prevent you from having to repeatedly explain your situation.
3. Separate conversations about care from conversations about work.
A message checking on your well-being should not come with an expectation that you answer work questions or make decisions about your responsibilities. You can establish boundaries around when, how, and why your workplace contacts you while you are away. Giving yourself space does not mean you need to disappear from your colleagues' thoughts, and receiving care should not create another obligation.
4. Treat your return to work as a process, not a single date.
Returning to work does not mean your grief or recovery has ended. Ask your workplace about regular check-ins, manageable workloads, flexibility, and opportunities to revisit your return-to-work plan as your needs change. Your manager and colleagues can also be prepared to support your return so you aren't responsible for managing everyone's uncertainty or discomfort.
5. Make room for the ways your grief and motherhood may accompany you into work.
Pregnancy announcements, conversations about children, and meaningful dates may feel different after loss, sometimes unexpectedly. Consider what would help you feel more comfortable, whether that's asking for sensitivity around certain conversations, choosing how to acknowledge your baby, or making space for remembrance in your own way. Your priorities and relationship with work may also shift, and that does not diminish your professional capabilities or contributions.
A Small First Step
Whether or not you've personally experienced pregnancy or infant loss, take a few minutes to read Calm-hearted's For Family and Friends guidance. Understanding how to acknowledge someone's loss, offer practical care, and continue showing up without trying to fix their grief can help you become a more compassionate friend, colleague, or source of support for another mother.
Jessica Gutierrez is a Vancouver-based learning and development professional, and founder of Calm-hearted, a pregnancy and infant loss support platform created from her lived experience as a bereaved mother. Drawing on more than a decade of experience in enablement, change, and communications, Jess brings together personal experience and professional expertise to help grieving parents feel recognized and workplaces respond with greater care. Through writing, practical resources, and workplace guidance, she advocates for more compassionate, grief-literate, and bereavement-ready workplaces.
Additional Resources:
Calm-hearted for Workplaces —Guidance for navigating pregnancy and infant loss at work.
Grief at Work: It's a Leadership Thing — A personal reflection on grief and workplace leadership.
Why workplaces need to be bereavement-ready —How organizations can prepare before having to act in real time, and what practical support looks like.
Calm-hearted Writing — Personal stories about loss, motherhood, and remembering forward.
